bombard
by Spoot Poot
Summary: Another little Drama inspired by DBZ Vegeta comes to a shocking revelation after Goku does something unmentionable.
1. Chapter 1

Spoot: Eh, writers block has set in once again.

Goku: WHAAA! No way! We need to fix that!

Vegeta: Don't be a fool…there is no cure.

Bombard

From the living room, there came a sound reminiscent to a machine guns fire. Vegeta jumped a bit, hearing a noise like that surprised him. He sat up in bed, having been resting from the spar a few hours before. He looked around slowly, gaining bearings. He crawled out of bed, stretched, then decided to head out to investigate further. He stopped once before exiting his room, to check his appearance in the mirror. Satisfied after fixing a cowlick, he headed for the door.

"OWOWOWOW! I'M SORRY!" Goku's voice carried through the house, causing Vegeta to cringe. That was the last thing he wanted to hear after waking from a successful nap. He poked his head in and saw the poor bastard sitting on the floor, cowering. His cheek red and swelling. Above him stood Bulma, in an aggressive stance. Vegeta had to smile. How he loved when his woman beat on that idiot. "Hit him again…" He scoffed. Bulma looked his way, and an evil grin swept across her face. "Yes Sir!" She snapped, promptly giving Goku another swift slap.

"What did he do this time?" Vegeta asked carelessly, getting an answer didn't matter to him. Bulma put her hands on her hips, and turned her nose up into the air. "It's too horrible, I can't repeat it!" She snapped. Vegeta let out a short chuckle, then entered the room fully. "You poor dumb bastard. Well, whatever it was, I'm sure you deserved the punishment…when will you learn?" Goku watched with wounded eyes as Vegeta spoke. "You know, you could stick up for me every once in a while!" He snapped, rubbing his damaged cheek. Vegeta scoffed, and turned his nose up. "Where's the fun in that?" Was all he said.

He turned his attention to Bulma, staring blankly at her as he always did. Awaiting her advances. She approached to stand at his side proudly. "Let this be a lesson to you!" She scolded, pointing at Goku. The poor guy lowered his eyes in shame. Vegeta watched the scene take place, and his curiosity slowly peeked. "Now I kinda wanna know." He said. The longer it took to get the information, the more impatient he became. "NO! I'll never tell." Bulma snapped, giving Goku a look of pure hatred. Vegeta raised a brow, and his eyes widened just a bit.

Goku stood up slowly, trying to keep his balance. Sure, he was the strongest person in the room, sure, he could take Bulma out with a light poke of his finger…but when that little lady had it out for you, her swats were deadly. Vegeta knew all too well the power of his wife's _love_ taps. She could give a person brain damage. Goku shook his head swiftly, his face a blur for a moment. When the whirlwind stopped, he spoke. "Woo…Bulma…I really am sorry…" He began. Bulma just crossed her arms and turned her nose up at him. "You really did it this time." Vegeta stated. "Yes, he did." Bulma snapped, then turned to her husband. "I'm starving." She snapped. Vegeta crossed his arms. "And what do you expect me to do about it?" She knew what a homebody her husband was. It only threw gas on her now blazing rage "WE'RE GOING OUT!" She bellowed. Before Vegeta could oppose, she seized his arm, and snatched him from the house.

Vegeta watched in sheer terror as his wife ate like a Sayajin coming off a hunger strike. She shoveled food into her mouth as if it were the last meal she would ever eat. She ate with aggression, scolding Goku under her breath. "So…stupid…" She shoved some potato salad into her mouth. "I'll kill him…" more teriyaki stake went down her gullet. "…Catch him, I'll rip him apart…" She cracked a giant crab's leg in half with her bare hands. "Grrr! Put you in my oven…" The poor bastard wasn't even there and he was still getting an ear full! Vegeta wavered for a moment, then went in to grab up a morsel of something to eat. She caught him, and stabbed her for into the table, mere centimeters from his hand. He huffed and looked up at her. She had a huge turkey leg in her mouth. She was growling like a raved dog. Vegeta retracted his hand so fast the air itself divided. Satisfied, she promptly went back to cramming her face. Vegeta looked down at his plate. Empty…like his stomach.

"ALRIGHT KAKOROT, TELL ME WHAT YOU DID SO I CAN FIX THIS!" Vegeta bellowed, kicking in the front door of a quaint little country home. Chi Chi shot off the sofa and charged him. She had just about made it to him, when Goku captured her. "No no…bad idea…" He said sweetly, lowering his infuriated wife to the floor. She put her hands on her hips, letting both men know she was not just gunna let it go. "Next time you have your friends over; make sure they don't destroy the house…" She looked over at Vegeta, fire in her coal black eyes. "you're going to hafta fix that!" She snapped at him. He gave her a swift nod, afraid to upset her any further. She was another woman you did _not_ wanna go up against.

Goku shooed Chi Chi from the room, then turned to address his guest. "Vegeta, you can't just charge in, busting down my doors!" Vegeta, clearly upset, crossed his arms. "What did you do to my wife?" He snapped, ignoring Goku's scolding. "Eh? Oh yeah, that…you mean she hasn't told you?" Vegeta shook his head. "Come sit, and I'll tell you." Vegeta hesitated for a moment, then decided to accept the hospitality by sitting on the sofa. Goku let out a sigh of relief. If he's sitting, and he's comfortable, he's calm. A calm Vegeta is a happy Vegeta. Happy Vegeta means nothing gets smashed.

"Ok, where to begin…ah! I know! Would you like something to drink?" Goku yelped, flailing a bit. Vegeta just closed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Oook…how about a snack then?" Goku offered, dancing about in a ridiculous way. Vegeta leaned his head back, recalling that he didn't get to eat. He looked over at his host, and gave him a nod. "Ahhh! Great!" Goku exclaimed, clearly excited. It was clear to Vegeta that Goku rarely got any guests in his home. This was in fact his first time visiting. Could it be Kakorot was that desperate for friends? Goku rushed from the room in a flurry of excitement, declaring that he had the perfect snack.

"I never thought I would see the day…" Goku began, as he entered the living room. Vegeta sat up just a bit, realizing that he had in fact become comfortable while Goku was absent. A very short bald man and a plate of snacks now joined the said man. "Oh no…" Vegeta mumbled under his breath. "I mean, can you believe it, Vegeta's in my house." He finished, then looked over at the stoic man. "I mean, it's just weird is all…" He set the tray down and offered for everyone to dig in. Vegeta watched as Krillian began in on the chips and dip. "Kakorot…" Vegeta began. Goku could tell he was uneasy. "Don't worry, I won't be here long, I just stopped by to pick up a few things, and I'll be on my way." Krillian assured, knowing how Vegeta was, and how he could get.

His promise was nothing more than erroneous. The little bald man stayed for almost an hour, talking with Goku. Vegeta watched the whole thing unfold. It was a strange display. Was this what friendship was like? Moreover, didn't Goku state; _he never thought he would see Vegeta in his home_? He was downright enthusiastic about the whole thing! Vegeta cocked his head to one side, studying the two better. Did Goku crave his friendship that bad? Did he really admire him that much? Vegeta smiled at the thought of Goku admiring him. Why wouldn't he? After all, he was the Prince, and he was the strongest…though he never really could beat Kakorot. Maybe it wasn't so much an admiration thing, as it was just a friend thing. Goku was always trying to gain Vegeta's trust and friendship. It was reminiscent of a high school nerd wanting so bad to be friends with the cool kid.

His arrogance shattered when he realized something horrifying. All this time, all this time he was surveying the two men and their ritual, he was trying to understand it. He was confused, and intrigued by it all. And in a way, he wished he could be part of it. He found himself enjoying the idea of that fool pining for his friendship. He himself craved it. That's when it hit him…Vegeta the Great was nothing more than a human looking for companionship. He almost tossed cookies.

He shot off the sofa in a blaze. Goku and Krillian looked up in surprise. "IHAFTAGONOWTHANKYOUFORHAVINGME!" Vegeta's words spewed out of him almost ridiculously. He was stiff as a board as he yelped out. "Won't you stay; I still haven't told you why Bulmas' so mad at me." Goku persuaded. Vegeta was sweating and trembling. He grunted as he looked down at the two men sitting on the floor. Krillian looked over at Goku with a laugh. "Yeah! I heard it was pretty bad! Boy Goku, you sure stepped in it this time." Goku looked his friend over, and smiled. "I guess so…" He began, then looked up at the terrified Vegeta. What crawled up his fanny so suddenly?

Spoot: Oooh…well…that was pretty good…

Vegeta: Here we go again…

Goku: YAAAAY!

Spoot: I suppose I could keep going…


	2. Chapter 2

Spoot: Time to try this.

Goku: WEEEEEEE! *swinging from a tree*

Vegeta: Why me? Why am I here…why?

Retelling

Bulma watched the door to her bedroom. Watched it so hard, at one point everything went black for a second. She took interest in the object when Vegeta promptly slammed it in her face and locked it. She half expected to hear him throw a fit after, but all was quiet. She tried for the life of her to see through the wood of the door. Once, she almost fainted. Her attention was altered when the phone rang. She looked on at the machine as it made that blasted noise and vibrated like mad. "Are you going to answer that?" Dr. Briefs asked, as he passed by the kitchen. Bulma looked up from studying the new object. Her father could see she was in a bit of a daze.

"What's the matter dear? Marital trouble?" He asked. "DADDY!" She whaled, clearly embarrassed. She stood, promptly lifted him up, and tossed him from the room. "IT WAS JUST A QUESTION!" He whaled as he flew past Trunks. The little one watched as his grandfather flew down the hall, and landed on his rump. He shrugged and entered the kitchen, spying his mother, and her condition. "What did he do now?" He asked. Bulma looked her son up and down, then sighed, and sat hard in a dinning chair. "I don't know what's wrong with that man!" She sighed out. "He comes home from Kami knows where, in this…this…_mood_!" she snapped, outstretching her arms to give emphasis to her words. Trunks shrugged once more, and shook his head. "What else is new?"

In a way, the child was right, Vegeta _did_ have a temper, and he did have his moods. However, this…this was something different. The look on his face when he entered the house could only be described as…hopeless. When she had asked if he was alright, he just pushed past her, and entered their room, slamming the door on her. She sighed for the millionth time, and put her head on the table. "He seemed lost." She said. Trunks sat down across from her. "Lost?" He asked, taking on a more therapeutic role. She closed her eyes, trying to remind herself that he was a child, regardless of how he acted and spoke. "Go to your room." She said halfheartedly. Usually, Trunks would object …this time, he did as his mother asked.

"What are you doing?"

She awoke with a startle when she heard his voice. Had she really fallen asleep at the kitchen table? 'Note to self,' she thought, 'bring a pillow next time…' She rubbed her sore cheek, as she looked up at him, groggy as could be. He had the cutest look on his face. It was awkward and sweet. He looked positively baffled. He must have detected it, because he quickly changed his mind causing his facial expressions to take on a more judgmental tone. 'Well that didn't last long…' She thought to herself. It was nice seeing Vegeta act relatively human. She suddenly snapped to the fact that he had caught her. "Oh…Vegeta…I was just…"

"Sleeping." He scoffed. "At the dining table. Are you daft woman?" For a second she though he was back to his old self, but there was a hint of human emotion in his eyes that changed her idea. "WHAT! Me! No! I was checking to see just how comfortable the table was…yep! It's comfortable! All I need to do now is test its durability!" She yapped, as she climbed on the poor table. "Yeah, you've lost it…" he mumbled. She stretched her arms as far out as she could. "THIS ROOM IS SOOO BIIIG!" she choked out. He let out a light 'humph' then returned to the task of looting the fridge. She stood silent atop the table, examining him. She jumped down in a frenzy when she noticed he was hungry.

"HERE!_ Ahem_ here…let…let me make you something." She blathered, scrambling to her feet. He backed away from the assorted food and its container without hesitation. He was allowing her to prepare him a meal. If it weren't so out of character, she would have been happy about it. She grabbed up a few items of provisions, and glared at him with apprehension. "What?" He mumbled. She shook her head. "Nothing, nothing…Uh…what would you like?"

"Whatever…" He muttered, waving a hand at her and exiting the room in slow motion so it seemed. She watched in despondency. Something clearly had her husband in a state of anguish. She knew there was nothing she could do. Nothing other than watch from the sidelines in hopes that he would come out of it on his own. You never could console Vegeta. He was a '_suffer in silence'_ kind of man. Something that attracted people to him, like birds to a bath. He left her standing there, holding a bag of grated cheese. A look of pure concern crossed her face.

"Vegeta?" Her voice was soft and sympathetic. The door opened slowly, in her hands a plate, with a meal prepared with all the passion in the world. He was sprawled across the bed, an arm draped across his face. He pulled said arm away, and eyed her. "I made you some burritos..." She said. Her voice still saturated in compassion. He sat up, keeping a sharp eye on her, and the food. She smiled as she sat the food down on front of him. She had a rule about eating in bed, but for him…just this once, she would let it go.

"Why are you being so nice to me…all of a sudden?" He asked. It was true that the two of them bantered and clashed more than anything, so Vegeta's question didn't come as a surprise. Hell, she would ask the same question if he were the one being so tender. Even more so, she would most likely die from shock. Hell, it would almost certainly traumatize her! She thought about it for a moment, and almost swooned at the thought of him being affectionate.

She had to change the subject before he caught on. She had to act as though there was nothing wrong. She had to keep up an appearance. You don't just bring attention to his plight. She learned to scope him out, and covertly help him when he needed it. The thought of him catching her trying to be a normal, kind, and loving wife would probably get her killed. It almost seemed funny to her.

She put her hands on her hips. "What are you talking about? I only cooked for you so you wouldn't destroy my kitchen!" She snapped. Vegeta allowed it, agreeing he was in no way a good cook. The moment was intense. He hadn't snapped back at her, nor did he make an attempt to. When he realized what he was doing he quickly changed his tune. He smirked in that arrogant way before demanding that she leave the room. She did as she was told; warning herself internally that one scolding outburst was enough for the day. He was unpredictable in that state. in what state really. Where were his emotions at anyway? This was where the real confusion came into play. She wasn't sure how he was feeling because she had never seen him in the condition he was in. She needed to know…she HAD to find out.

Spoot: Happy?

Goku: YES! Goku happy! HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY!

Vegeta: *Slaps Goku with a fish.*

Spoot: HEY! What th…anyway…look out for chapter three!


	3. Chapter 3

Spoot: He knows… *eyes Vegeta*

Goku: You think he's mad. *Eyeing Vegeta as well.*

Vegeta: *Angrily stomping around the room* I AM NOT A BUNNY! GET THIS OFF ME!

Heart Attack

"So…what _did_ you do?" Chi Chi asked. Goku looked up from the meal he was devouring. "Huh? Oh, to Bulma? Well…" He began, but stopping when a bolt of lightning shot though his head. A vision of Chi Chi standing over him holding a blunt object flashed though his cerebral cortex. Ominous black smog surrounding the two of them. The look on her face as she loomed over him was malevolent. He smiled as a sweat drop formed at his brow and worked its way down. "I have no clue!" He yelped, rubbing the back of his head as he giggled. Chi Chi rolled her eyes. "Figures." She mumbled.

All eyes were on the phone when its sudden ring broke through the awkward silence. "Expecting a call?" Goku asked. "At this hour?" Chi Chi snapped. She grabbed up the phone and brought it to her ear. "Better be good…" She growled. Goku leaned back in his chair as he made a silly face for Goten. "HELLO!" Chi Chi yelled. Goku about fell over with the chair. Goten covered his ears. "Bulma? We were just talking about you. Why are you calling so late?" She asked. Goku began to sweat and fidget.

Chi Chi looked over at him then pulled the phone away from her ear and covered the mouthpiece. "What did you do!" She growled. Goku could feel his life slowly drain away as he began to melt to the floor. "Vegeta is upset for some reason." She finished. Goku pulled himself back into his chair. "Really? Well I don't know." Chi Chi rolled her eyes and went back to the call. "He says he has no idea." Bulma's voice could be heard in a muffled way over the other line. Chi Chi nodded then looked back over at Goku.

"We need to talk." She mumbled to him. Once more, the poor guy began to sweat. This was it. Of all the battles he had been in and won…and the ones he lost along the way…this was the one he could not win, nor did he want to participate in. His wife was about to kill him, and he wasn't coming back from it! Chi Chi hung up the phone in an ominous way that made Goku gulp hard. "Goten, are you finished eating?" She asked, and the child nodded. "Then go wash up for bed, I'll be in later to tuck you in."

"What about Daddy?" He asked, looking over at the doomed man. Chi Chi shot him an ill-omened look then turned her attention back to her son. "Your Father won't be here." She said in a vile tone. Goku almost wet himself. Goten was more than used to his father being pummeled by his mother, and everyone else for that matter. He shrugged and scampered from the room. Chi Chi turned slowly, her eye twitching. Goku let out a loud giggle and stood fast.

"Freeze." She snapped. He did just that. May as well get the practice in if he was gunna be a corpse soon anyway. Chi Chi approached him slowly, looking him up and down as she walked around him a few times. Sizing him up, studying him. "Yeah, I could take you." She said when she was done. Goku did nothing more but sweat and let out a whimper. "Bulma told me a very interesting story right before we got off the phone." Goku watched her with terrified eyes. "Yes, she told me Goku…" She finished.

Yamcha sat up in a panicked rush to get a better look at the newcomer. Krillian was in a fit of laughter. Piccolo just scoffed and crossed his arms. 18 walked into the room and sighed when she got a look at Goku's face. She reached over and put a dainty but powerful hand under his chin, and lifted his head a bit. "Let me see." She said softly. He allowed her to tend to him. "Let me guess…Chi Chi found out?" She asked. Goku just whimpered. 18 rolled her eyes as she reached over and swiftly slapped her husband across his bald head. "AHH! OW!" Krillian rubbed the red area. "Wow…I gatta hand it to ya Goku…you're tough…" Yamcha said coyly.

"So what was the punishment? Other than the thrashing you already received." Piccolo asked as he rested his back on the wall, keeping his arms crossed. Goku took a deep breath. "I hafta spend a week with…" He stopped, looking down at his hands. They were shaking. "_With…_" Yamcha urged. "Earth to Goku!" Snapped Krillian. 18 swatted at him once more. This time he dodged it. He smiled. She just scowled at him. Goku fisted his hands and let out a strange snivel. "Are you ok?" Krillian asked, noticing his pal. "He looks sick." 18 said. Goku looked up. "I hafta spend a week…with…"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAT!" The room whaled as it flipped on its side.

"Oh man…don't do this to me!" Yamcha shrilled. He was lying on the floor. Piccolo never staggered. He remained resting against the wall, his arms crossed. His head was down, however. He was sweating as he tried to fight back the urge to laugh out right. Krillian was slumped across the sofa, his soul had escaped him, and he was stone cold. 18 looked a bit worried though she was trying to keep her cool. "I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think." She began. Goku bawled up his fists again.

"What am I gunna do though? I mean…how am I supposta entertain a guy like that!" Krillian sat up suddenly. "I SAY YOU MAKE A RUN FOR IT!" He shouted. 18 incapacitated him quickly by giving him a swift chop to the neck. Krillian passed out and hit the floor hard. "Ignore him…besides, where will you go?" She asked, looking down at her unconscious husband. "That's a good question. I'm thinking the bottom of an ocean!" Goku snapped. Yamcha let out a light chuckle. "Yeah, but I'm sure Chi Chi would find you!" The inhabitants of the room shuddered.

Spoot: Maybe we should help him…

Goku: Aww, but he makes such a cute bunny!

Vegeta: YOU ARE ALL DEAD! AS SOON AS I GET OUTTA THIS THING…YOU WILL ALL DIE!


End file.
